ASK US ANYTHING: The Questions We Were Afraid to Ask

Hello Brave Friends! This is an Ask Us Anything episode in which YOU, the listener, get to write or call in and, you guessed it, ask us anything.

In this Ask Us Anything episode, #257, we’re responding to the question:

“HI LADIES. I know the new book is coming out soon. I am very excited! What's a question you were afraid to ask early on as a mom — and what's the answer you wish someone had given you?”

In this heartfelt conversation, Jessica Patay, Susanna Peace Lovell, and Dr. Zoe reflect on the fears, grief, uncertainty, and unspoken questions they each carried early in their caregiving journeys.

The hosts share personal stories about the questions they were afraid to voice out loud—questions about identity, marriage, loneliness, resentment, joy, the future, and whether they would ever truly feel okay again. Together, they explore how silence and shame can keep caregivers isolated, and why honest conversations and community support are so important.

Jessica, Susanna, and Dr. Zoe also discuss the answers they wish someone had given them earlier: that grief and joy can coexist, that perfection is not required, that asking for help is healthy, and that caregivers deserve support and compassion too.

Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize that there is no “perfect” way to navigate caregiving and that vulnerability can become a powerful pathway toward healing and connection.

This episode is a tender reminder that many of the questions caregivers are afraid to ask are actually deeply human—and that no one should have to carry those fears alone.

Keep the questions coming—we’re here to support you. Whether you’re parenting a child with complex medical, developmental, or mental health needs, or supporting someone who is, we would love to hear from you. We see you and we love you.

Find more information about Licensed Psychotherapist, Dr. Zoe here. 

Find Dr. Zoe’s book, Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame here.

Find more information about Life Coach, Susanna Peace Lovell here.

Find Susanna’s book, Your True Self is Enough here.

Find our first book from We Are Brave Together, Becoming Brave Together here.

Find our second book from We Are Brave Together, Suddenly Brave Together here. 

Find FULL episodes and clips of our podcast on Youtube here.

Brave Together is the podcast for We are Brave Together, a not-for-profit organization based in the USA. The heart of We Are Brave Together is to strengthen, encourage, inspire and validate all moms of children with disabilities and other needs in their unique journeys. 

JOIN the international community of We Are Brave Together here. 

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Feel free to contact Jessica Patay via email: jpatay@wearebravetogether.org 

If you have any topic requests or if you would like to share a story, leave us a message here.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to Brave Together Podcast, an empowering resource for the parents of children with disabilities, neurodivergence, and all unique needs. You will you feel terrible in the beginning. You're overwhelmed, you're devastated, you're worried about your child's health and future. Just everything has suddenly shifted with a diagnosis. But you will feel better. You will feel stronger. You will feel more capable. You will get through a day without crying and wondering and worrying. And there will be a day or there will be moments where you see your child just as they are and not through the eyes of a diagnosis. But you you don't know that in the beginning. Hi, Bravies. This is Jessica Pate, a mom, storyteller, advocate, and the founder and CEO of We Are Brave Together, whose mission is to preserve and protect the mental health of caregiving moms everywhere. And I'm joined by two fantastic fellow Brave Mom co-hosts to help answer your questions.

SPEAKER_05 1:14

Hi, I'm Susanna Peace Lavelle. I'm an author, a certified life coach and soul care coach, and an advocate for the health and wellness of disability families everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Hi, I'm Dr. Zoe, a licensed psychotherapist, writer, speaker, author, and complex change expert.

SPEAKER_04 1:30

We are gathered here to share our experiences, share our wisdom, and answer your questions. Have a caregiving question? Find the link in the show notes to leave us your message.

SPEAKER_05 1:42

May you feel seen and heard and not alone.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Hi, ladies. I know the book is coming out soon. Very excited. What's a question you were afraid to ask early on as a mom? And what's the answer you wish someone had given you?

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Hi, everyone. Hi guys. Hi, Susanna. Hi, Zoe.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Hi. Hi, guys. Ladies, so good to be here with you today for another great conversation. Yes, what a great season it's been.

SPEAKER_05 2:22

Yeah, and I love these Ask Us Anything episodes because they have been so supportive and helpful for me to reflect and for me to move forward and for me to share with our community. I really, I really like to acknowledge um how brave it is for you all to call in and ask these questions because I think sometimes we just get stuck in the do-do-do-do do that we don't um stop and reflect. So I appreciate this caller.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Yeah, and we've gotten so many good questions this year. And and of course, we know there aren't any bad questions, but we got so many good ones. And I'm glad that we have this space where people can ask the questions because I didn't have that space. I certainly didn't 21, 20 years ago, you know, when when Sully was born. And so I'm so thankful that we have it and we can answer questions. And today we're gonna talk about questions that we had. We either didn't answer didn't ask or didn't know how to ask back when our diagnoses were new. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:28

What I also appreciate about doing these episodes is realizing wow, I've learned a lot.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

I've learned a lot from others, I've learned a lot myself. I've I really do have some things to pass on. I do have some hard won wisdom to share. It's it's very empowering. And the more we talk and share, the more we talk and share, you know, throughout the years of our journeys as mothers, the more that we grow.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

Yeah. And the less alone we all are. Right, right. Well, let's go back to the beginning when we really did feel very, very alone with a diagnosis, you know, we're in an alternate universe suddenly. And what what is a question, or what are some of the questions that you wish you could have asked or felt brave enough to ask, or you were asking in your head, anyways. And what's the answer that you wish someone gave you?

SPEAKER_01 4:35

You know, I'm gonna share a story that happened to me or that I created after Sully was home from the NICU. Um, this was our first time outside, which is so weird because you know, you're you're so you're inside, you know, you're in this NICU and you're just covered with all the hisses and beeps and sounds of of the NICU, and then you come home and you're just so enveloped with everything about taking care and diagnoses and all these things. And I remember I was just like, I just need to go outside. And so I went in in my courtyard in the front of the house, and I was sitting with Sully on a cat on a chair in the front in my courtyard, and my neighbor came up. My neighbor happens to be a NICU nurse, and I think she'd already heard about everything that had happened with Sully, but we didn't have a diagnosis yet. We just knew something was wrong. I remember I was holding her and we were talking, and I remember I just looked at her. This is the oddest thing because it's nothing I would have ever done. And I said, Do you think she's gonna be okay? And my poor neighbor, and the words just came out of my mouth. It's not like I planned it. She was the first person, you know, outside of all of the people that I had talked to. And my neighbor looked at me and I could tell that, I mean, that was such a big question. Um, and she just said, I don't know. And clearly I needed something in that moment. I was embarrassed that I had even asked the question after the words came out of my mouth and I saw her response. But I think I just needed someone to tell me you're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

That, yeah, we don't know what's going to happen with her. We don't even know what the diagnosis is. At that point, we didn't even know if she was gonna survive, but you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be able to deal with it. Not that, you know, you have all the resources, not that, you know, God doesn't give you any more than you can handle, but that whatever happens, you're gonna be okay. So I know for sure I needed to hear that. I didn't hear that. I heard I don't know. And then I just felt really embarrassed. Um, but that's something I needed in that moment. And as I think back on that time, all the questions that were just kind of reverberating in my mind were what's going to happen to her? What's this diagnosis gonna look like for her as she gets older? Am I gonna be able to do this? Are we gonna be able to do this as a family? What's going to happen to my children? All of those questions. And I think it still boils down to me wanting someone to say, I don't know what this is gonna be like for you. But what I do know is that you're gonna grow into this, even though you don't want to, and you're gonna be able to do all the things that you need to do to take care of you and your family, and it's gonna be okay.

unknown 7:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:36

I love um Kelly Coleman's Facebook group. It's called You Will Feel Better. And I think that's kind of like the title of the book that she wanted to write initially. And then she wrote, you know, an amazing book about everything you need to know about parenting a disabled child. So a little plug for you, Kelly Coleman. But the thing is, you will you feel terrible in the beginning. You're overwhelmed, you're devastated, you're worried about your child's health and future, just everything has suddenly shifted with a diagnosis. But you will feel better, you will feel stronger, you will feel more capable, you will get through a day without crying and wondering and worrying. And and there will be a day or there will be moments where you see your child just as they are and not through the eyes of a diagnosis. But you you don't know that in the beginning. It's just so overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

You don't, you don't. And I I even thought, will I ever work again? Because after Sully, we got Sully's diagnosis, I sold my practice, I quit working, and here I am with a thriving career I couldn't have imagined. And so, of course, the answer was yes, but I didn't know that back then. I wondered, will I ever even work again in this, you know, career that I'd gone to school for a million and a half years to build? Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_04 9:06

I think for me in the beginning, I wanted to ask. I don't know that I asked any of the moms who I met through the Prader Williams Support Group Foundation and national organization who were ahead of me. I don't know if I actually asked, will it get easier? But I think I wanted to hear that. I wanted to ask that. Will this get easier? Does this syndrome get easier? Will Ryan get easier as he gets older? I I've certainly had that asked me through the years, but what do you say? Um, when people ask me or asked me, oh, you know, as Ryan gets older, will it get easier? I I just I I say no. Because PWS doesn't go away, the hyperphasia doesn't go away, the anxiety doesn't go away. You know, I would say that in the last few years, because uh there have been less behaviors and less aggression, it's been easier. I would say because I've changed, I see how intuitive and compassionate and loving Ryan is uh that I'm different. I'm different now in the way that I view behavior as opposed to how I viewed it back then. But no, it hasn't gotten easier because he's not in a program. He's not in school seven hours a day. He has a lot of time on his hands. Even this morning he said eight o'clock, I'm bored. I said, Well, go take a nap. I mean, I I can't I can't be the cruise director, you know. I can't. It yeah, it doesn't it doesn't get easier, but I think as we transform, we are better equipped to handle what's on our plate.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Yes. We grow into it. We do.

SPEAKER_05 11:02

I think if I have to reflect back on a question or questions, rather, there's never just one. I need to know everything as a control freak. I just need to know everything. Well, what does that mean? How will that turn out? How does the story end? Right? Yeah. Like I feel like there, I can categorize the questions um into one category, which is very specifically like, what's gonna happen with my child? Right? I have no idea what all of these diagnoses mean, even before there were any conversation around her, you know, neurodivergence. Like there was also the food allergy. So I was like, well, what does this look like for her for the rest of her life? Is she gonna be sitting at a table by herself for the rest of her life, like not being able to be in community while she's eating? So questions about her. And it wasn't until, which is so interesting to me, it wasn't until a little bit later that they that I dared to even ask the question about me. Like, am I gonna be able to come back to me? Will I be able to be the happy, you know, creative, spontaneous, loves to travel, loves to try new adventures and food and experiences and be with girlfriends? Am I going to ever experience that life again? And what does this mean for me? Will this be sort of my quote quote lot in life to be my daughter Arizona's caregiver for the rest of her life? Or will my life have some meaning too? So the category of like asking the question about, you know, will my child, I get this question all the time. Well, will she ever live on her own? I don't know. Stop asking. Is that my wish? Absolutely. Is that her wish? Absolutely, but I just don't know. Even now, she's almost 20. I don't know, right? Questions about like, yeah, well, do you think she'll ever be in a relationship? Do you think she'll ever have kids? I don't know. Can I ask you those questions about your neurotypical kids? We just don't know. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Yeah, right. And then it's like, what about me? You know, what about me? What about my relationships? How am I going to thrive in the different ways that I wanted to before I became this child's mother? Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:32

I think of other questions that, you know, for our listeners that they may have had at the beginning, or if they are at the beginning of their journey, you know, will I lose this child? I I don't know why I was so afraid that something was going to happen, even though Ryan wasn't as medically fragile after the first couple of years. You know, he didn't have his feeding tube after year one. Um, he had his urological surgeries. And so, you know, we took out the urologist, um, his breathing was hit normalized. So we took took out the pulmonologist. He wasn't medically fragile. The only thing that was life-threatening, obviously, is the food drive. But he wasn't seeking, heavily seeking in the early years. But I I don't know when he was in elementary school, I just thought something was gonna happen to him. And that was just my own anxiety. I didn't have others around me who whose children had the same diagnosis that felt that fear in childhood. But I think it's very real for some parents whose kids are medically complex always and fragile, always. That's a really real fear for some of our babies. We are going to take a brief break. Stay with us. Before the diagnosis, before the phone call, before the doctor walked into the room. That invisible threshold that divides a life into two distinct halves. And on the other side, a version of yourself you never auditioned for, doing things you never imagined you could do. You have been suddenly thrust into altered motherhood. Bravies, our second book is here. Suddenly Brave Together, letters to Caregiving Mothers at a defining moment in their lives, captures the voices of women who lived that pivotal moment written from a place of hard-won wisdom, decades in the making. Imagine 30 seasoned, savvy, compassionate moms reaching across the universe to share their stories, their transformations, and everything they wished someone had told them. This is not just a book, it is an open door. A reminder that somewhere in this wide world, there is a mother who has already walked the road you are on. And she is holding out her hand for you. Written with new and newer caregiving moms at heart, Suddenly Brave Together will validate and inspire every parent caregiver who picks it up. Grab your copy today. The link is in the show notes.

SPEAKER_05 16:53

But also the worry and the anxiety. We're also feeding off of the way in which professionals, doctors, therapists, etc. are also sharing news with us. Sometimes they even have to say, not quite sure, right? And I and I think that underneath it all, it's like this seeking out of, I want to feel some sort of soothing answer. Like I just want to be taken care of. Like my ouchy mama heart right now just wants to feel cherished and nurtured and taken care of. And in whatever way that someone is going to answer that for us, I just feel like I think that's what people are looking for. Like we want to some kind of hope. And even if there is terminal diagnosis for our child, which could be absolutely the case. I mean, there's this is going to be, you know, as we go through different stages in life, as our children are growing or progressing or, you know, aging up or moving toward pure puberty or whatever the transition may be, leaning into what is it that I need, you know, to help me feel better about the journey or the the process that my child will go on and and also me.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

Zoe, what can we do to self-soothe in those moments that we're what-ifing and future tripping and asking all the questions?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

That's such a good question. When we have anxiety, we start to ask lots of questions, right? And the problem is that often we don't answer those questions. And so when we don't answer the questions, the what-ifs, we leave our brain hanging. And it just ramps up more anxiety because we've left our brain hanging and it's kind of like we create this big world of darkness that could be with no answer. And so the best thing that we can do is when we ask those what-if questions is to take it back to ourselves. What if let's go to the worst case scenario? What if my child doesn't survive this? Right? When we don't answer that question for ourselves, we have so much anxiety. But when we actually answer the question, and there's no perfect answer to that question, but when you answer the question for yourself, your brain actually calms down. Your brain actually closes that loop and the anxiety reduces. And sometimes we have to answer multiple clock questions. So, you know, what if my child doesn't survive this? Well, the next thing I'm gonna do is go to my resources, I'm gonna get all the support I need. I understand I'm going to grieve. I understand all the things that are going to happen. I'm going to take the next right step that I can if my child doesn't survive this. And that doesn't sound like a a beautiful anything wrapped up in a bow, but it answered the question. And your brain can go, okay. Right? It's hard because sometimes we don't even want to acknowledge that we're asking ourselves a question like that. And so then we don't want to then go answer it because it feels even more scary. But when you're asking it, you must answer, and that will help you relieve some of your anxiety.

unknown 20:43

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 20:43

I don't think I've ever heard that before. Wow. So then let's talk about like manifesting and let's thoughts become things and let's only focus on the positive, right? So, how can we take it there? Because I 1000% agree with you. I've had anxiety my whole life, like never diagnosed, but I now I know like I'm just an anxious little love bug. And I just feel like if we take it there to the scariest and you know worst possible scenario and soothe from that place, then that's not putting all this energy and attention toward, okay, so then now that's going to happen, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

That's your anxiety wanting to attach itself to something else.

unknown 21:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

But what we can do, I think that you made a really great point, Susanna, because I think we need to talk about this. Because when we've closed that loop, when we've answered the question, what I like to work with my clients on on doing is thinking about there's a shelf, and it's to the left of my brain because it just works a little bit better that way. There's a shelf that I uh I just kind of carry around with me, right? And that's where I can put the stuff that I don't need to focus on. So Anxiety came up. I asked a what if question. I answered it. Now I'm going to take it and I'm going to put it on that shelf. Now, let's be honest about what happens with the shelf for anyone who's looking at this. What happens is the shelf is often tilted, right? So you put it on the shelf, it falls back down into your brain. You put it back on the shelf. So you have to get into a practice of regularly putting it back on the shelf, answering the question and putting it back. And when the more and more you do it, that shelf will actually write itself. And it can stay there for a whole lot longer. And so, yes, we do not want to dwell on the negative things. But when we have that anxiety question, we need to answer it and put it on the shelf. And then what's really helpful is to start thinking about okay, once I put that thing on the shelf, what am I going to then focus my energy on? And having things that you've already thought about, already predetermined. When I get in that anxiety space, I'm going to answer it, put it on the shelf. And then I'm going to start thinking about what? A trip maybe I have coming up. I'm going to think about the five-minute nap I'm going to get and 20 minutes. When she smiles, that can help kind of distract you from staying in that place of focusing on the negative. Very helpful, Zoe.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_05 23:23

Even be a being able to ask a question. Like I would like to offer another sort of lens here. One of the questions that I wish that I would have asked more of in the beginning and certainly now later on in life, because I feel like I taught everyone how to treat me back then, which was like, I got this, I'm good. I'm so capable. You know, I'm figuring it out. Here's, you know, here's the plan. I have all of these therapies. I am a warrior mom ready to go. This is what we're doing. This is what we're doing. And so I never brought anyone in to my close circle of, and I'm speaking specifically of my amazing mom and my siblings and my dad. Like they were so like, okay, how can we help? How can we support? I'm like, I got it. I got this. I got this. I got this. I got this. To this day, I feel like I still don't lean in to ask for support and help with Arizona because I feel like that would be burdensome, you know, to them. And and I feel like the question that that I was afraid to ask early on was can I count on you all to be part of my inner support tribe? You know, and certainly as Arizona's father and I were divorcing when she was young, right? Like it's just me in Arizona. Can I can I be part of your families? Like I'm very close with all of my siblings, but I just never, I never felt like I could ask for, right? Can I drop Arizona off with you? I never did any of that. Everyone was so willing. They're still so willing, and I still don't do it. I just wish that I had gotten into the practice of that sooner. And now I've sort of set the tone, and I'm not saying that things can't shift and change, of course they can, but I just I wish the answer that someone had given me, which was louder and clearer, maybe shaking me by the shoulders and saying, Susanna, go go do a weekend. We got, we got our niece, we got our granddaughter, right? I just I didn't do that. And I I want to do that because I need that. And actually, Arizona needs that, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

And they need that. And while we're on the topic of taking care of yourself, this sometimes feels like cheating for a lot of people. We have to care about ourselves, we have to know ourselves well enough to know what we need when we ask a question. And so that looks like going to somebody and saying, I just need information right now and asking a question. Or going to somebody and saying, I need reassurance and asking a question. Because when we go to somebody and we ask a question and we need something from them and we don't let them know, number one, that we're probably not going to get it, and then we're going to be disappointed. And it's something that they probably could and would give to us if we just let them know. And it matters. And I know it feels like, well, if I have to tell them what I need from them, then you know it doesn't count, but it counts. And your brain counts it. Your brain feels it. And so ask for the thing that you need before you ask the question. It starts with knowing what you need, though.

SPEAKER_05 26:56

Sometimes that's the biggest question. I mean, like I need, yeah. And that that changes, that can change throughout the day. What is it that I need right now in this moment, actually?

SPEAKER_04 27:08

When I think back about a question that I may have asked out loud, but there's there was no way somebody can answer it. But, you know, where is Ryan gonna fall on the spectrum of Protter Willie syndrome? You know, is he gonna be the one that ends up 300 pounds and, you know, tantruming all day for food? Is he gonna walk? You know, although most kids did, but you know, Ryan didn't walk until he was three. Where is he gonna be intellectually? Will he get a high school diploma or just a certificate of completion? Um, will he go to college? Will he be part of the few percent that do go to college? I just was so, so curious, not in a like achievement or success way. It was just like, how is this all gonna play out? What are his symptoms? What are the symptoms of Prader Willie syndrome going to look like in Ryan's life? And am I gonna be able to handle it? Yeah. So what did I need? If I pause, if I pause and think about Yeah, what did you need? I probably needed someone to say, I can't give you those answers. There's no way, there's no crystal ball to know the future. But you will be okay. You will be capable of being Ryan's mother, and I'll be here to walk beside you. Ryan's gonna fall where he falls, and he'll be either, you know, have very high, high, high support needs or lower support needs, and you will learn how to support him. You will learn how to take care of him, you will learn what's best for Ryan. It will come in time. I think I there was just so much, you know, uncertainty is hard for all of us. What was it that Dr. Maya Shunker said? Like knowing you're gonna get a shot, you know, at the end of the appointment is easier than, well, there's a 50% chance that you'll get a shot at the end of this appointment, right? Explained to us that you know, the certainty of knowing that we were gonna get the shot is so much easier for us to handle psychologically than the uncertainty. So I think there's no way for anybody to create certainty for me. That's what I needed. I wanted somebody to tell me. Yep. Tell this recovering perfectionist control freak how tell me.

SPEAKER_05 29:36

This is great practice, I think, for all of us. Um, anyone who's listening, whether you're a caregiver or not, I mean, we don't know. And back to Dr. Maya Shankar, who was so supportive in this in her work, in terms of like what's on the other side of change? We just don't know. We're we're constantly changing and moving and flowing and being. And I think that if we think about our questions as caregivers, as extreme caregivers, I think what has also been at the root of it for me is how are Arizona and I going to co-create, co-participate, co-live, co-flow together in this lifetime? Is it only going to be, well, I need to just support what it is that she needs support with? And then I do my own thing over here, or is there opportunity and possibility for us to be in this life and living and experience together? And I believe it is so much more of that flow together than I ever anticipated that it would be. Honestly, I'm just sort of having this epiphany right now. This is amazing. Like we talk about our lives as a family, right? We talk about her experiences, my experiences. Now it's beautiful in that she is so confident most of the time and she's so sure of what it is that she wants to say and think. Her biggest thing right now is getting ready for prom in a couple of weeks and picked out her prom dress. And she just was like, I just, you know, I just don't think you've ever seen another. I mean, I am just the most beautiful autistic girl. I think I am just the hottest special needs girl in the world. Like, what do you say with that? Right? And what a beautiful experience for me. I always wanted, I always wanted to be so, you know, girly with my kid, getting ready for prom. Like, this is a dream come true for me, right? Nothing I have thought could have been in the cards. I I really did not have this vision in my head, and it's all happening. It's happening in a different kind of way, but it's happening. Her first cousin, Sophie, is taking her to prom. They're gonna have the best time, right? So you'll see you'll see the photos and a whole day with hair, makeup, all of that. It's gonna be a whole day. But I anyway, I I guess all I'm trying to say is this like, what is my life going to look like? And is it going to be a semblance of what I you know pictured for myself? You know, am I gonna be so tired and worn down? Well, yes, those things too. Okay, yes. But, you know, I also, you know, want to put mascara on and whatever it is. Like I still want to keep working and writing and advocating and what a beautiful and unexpected life that is available. I I offer for us to continue asking just all the questions at every turn.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

I feel like that that is what it boils down to is there's no dumb question, there's nothing new under the sun. So anything you think, anything you wonder, other people have thought and wondered too. And so ask, find the people that you can ask the questions to. If you know, ask also for what you need in the process.

SPEAKER_05 33:15

And you know, also finding your people who are, you know, no judgment, will ride or die with you, right? Just, and that's what's so beautiful about we are brave together, this community for mamas and and for those of you listening out there who have yet to experience the glorious resource that is we are brave together. I offer that you, you know, if you identify as a caregiving mama to check it out, there are so many, you know, free resources available to anyone, anywhere across the globe. So just another reminder that there is community and our pray, our private Facebook group is everything, like in terms of like, hey, ps, did you ever think, right? I mean, I you know, we we need girlfriends who get us. What what do you say just come mandatory and necessary and right?

SPEAKER_04 34:10

Girlfriends who get you are sacred and mandatory.

SPEAKER_05 34:12

That's right. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04 34:15

And while we're, you know, kind of wrapping up this episode and this season of Ask Us Anything, I just want to remind our listeners that our second book, Suddenly Brave Together, is written by 30 veteran moms who are sharing their stories and their experiences and, like I said before, hard-won wisdom with you know new or newer mothers. And honestly, I think every parent caregiver will benefit from this book. This episode is all about those questions we had at the beginning that we wish we could have asked and we wish we would have gotten certain answers. Well, this book, not that it's going to give you all the answers, but you're gonna hear from people who were in your shoes, who are in your position, who were just grappling with a new diagnosis. We are so excited for you to read these letters, and they are love letters, and it's it's our hearts and our hands reaching across the universe saying we're with you and you are not alone. And it's it's community in the pages of a book. So, of course, we will link it in our show notes. Please get one today, give one to friends and family so that they can have a greater understanding of what your life is like as a caregiver or extreme caregiver. May it be a comfort to you, may it be so validating to you. Please grab your coffee today.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Yeah, I was so honored to be a part of this book. And I think for me it was a just kind of a full circle moment of realizing how far I come. And, you know, I'm here, we guys talk uh, you know, on our ask us anything. And but writing the letter was just just another kind of stamp to remind myself, you know, I've been I've been doing this for 20 years now. Sally just turned 20 um a couple of weeks ago, and that's 20 years. I mean, we've got almost 60 years of of experience between the three of us, right? Over 60, yeah. Over 60. Yeah, but who's counting? Right. And that's hard won wisdom. And that is such a gift. That's not something that you can reproduce and just, you know, come up with. It's a gift, and it just feels so good to be able to give that gift to another mother who is just at day one or month one or year one. So I definitely encourage if you know someone who is a caregiver, um, if you are, um, this book is this book is for you.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

And I echo your sentiments. So grateful to be chosen um to be part of this anthology. And I I felt kind of special because I was like, you know, all of the the authors, as as you said, veteran, veteran moms, just I think that just means we're old. But uh, but but but I think ultimately what it means is that we all have children who are 18 and over. And so that was one of the requirements for being a contributing author to this project. And I felt like I was in kind of a special club because I was like, I have been at this legit, yeah, legit for you know, almost 20 years now. And so there's something to be said about that. And I will also offer as a life coach, as an advocate, you know, as someone who does a lot of speaking engagement workshops and connection circles, people often ask me, like, you know, and as an author myself for other books, same with you, Dr. Zoe. It's people are always like, Well, why did you, why was it so important for you to get into this work? Why was it so important for you to publish your memoir? And I always say, it's because it's something that I longed for, what I needed so much myself back in the day. I was, I was so desperately seeking, you know, desperately seeking Susanna. Um literally just wanted to feel like there was someone out there or something out there that could be some sort of blueprint or guide or model or lighthouse or something. That's how I feel about We Are Brave Together, too. So I I feel like this book was so in alignment with that intentionality that I have around all the work that I do. Um, and it's so easy to share my my my life and my living with an audience that I know will glean so much from it. I can't wait to read all of the other stories. 30 other stories, you know. So for me, it was very cathartic. I felt like, okay, I'm still standing. Um, I felt like, you know, there is so much that I've learned along the way that I'm not sure I would have, you know, had the opportunity to become so awakened to had I not been sort of thrust into this community and life of you know raising raising Arizona, right? Oh my gosh. Definitely being Susanna, raising Arizona. Stop it right now.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

What other films are we going?

SPEAKER_05 40:03

I know, oh my gosh. I make all.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

I love it. I love it. And for those of you listening, we probably received a hundred submissions and most of those at the very end of the deadline. It was very a lot to tackle. I had a wonderful team though, sifting through all the submissions. And then once we chose 30 writers, and honestly, we chose 30 writers thinking that people would drop off because we were giving them a short deadline to then turn around their piece. It was a two-step process, which we won't do that next time. But I was trying so hard to protect the theme and the vision of the book, which was a book written for new or newer moms grappling with a diagnosis. I didn't want to say that out loud. I didn't want to say, submit a letter, submit your letter. So it became, it was, it was a process. And I appreciate that our writers really adapted to the whole process. And I thought because there was that short turnaround after we chose our writers and gave them the prompt, we would lose writers. So, but we didn't. We only lost one. So then I stepped in, and so I'm the last contributing letter. And, you know, we have moms representing different diagnoses. We have moms from different regions of the country. We have a mom from Canada and a mom from Sri Lanka. And we we have a group of moms representing adult children from ages 18 to 45.

SPEAKER_03 41:33

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 41:33

So you've got quite a variety of experience and stories and diagnoses and children. Beautiful, beautiful children represented. So we can't wait for everybody to have this book in their hands. So again, link is in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being a part of this season. This is our last AUA of season 10. The season flew by. Wow. Wow. Look at us. Thank you to UK Health Radio for taking us on this season. We are so grateful to be a part of your mission. It's it's been a wonderful season. I cannot believe six years in and ten seasons.

SPEAKER_05 42:19

Well, keep the questions coming because our speak pipe is always open. And we're just because we're in between seasons after this, we trust me, we're always connected and collaborating and sifting through your questions. So please, please continue to leave those really important questions for us. And as always, we see you and we love you.

SPEAKER_04 42:44

We do, we do. Thank you, Bravies. Thank you for being a part of season 10. Thanks so much for listening today. Do us a favor and leave us a review and a rating so that this podcast can get into the ears and the hearts of more and more mobs. Did you know that Brave Together Podcast is an extension of our nonprofit organization? We are Brave Together. We Are Brave Together serves an international community of caregiving mobs, operates support groups that are virtual and in-person, educational resources, and low-cost weekend retreats all over the United States. We've also published two books. Our first anthology of caregiving stories entitled Becoming Brave Together. Heroic, extraordinary caregiving stories from others, hidden plain types, and our newest release, Suddenly Break Together. Letters to Caregiving Bonds and a Defining Moment in our lives. Both books offer stories of hope, transformation, and encouragement and validation for every character. To join us today, go to WeARBreavetogether.org. Our support at Mr. Hud awaits you. Break together. Podcast is for entertainment and education purposes only. It's not a substitute for professional care and should not be relied on for medical or mental health advice. The use of any content on our podcasts, links, show notes, or on our website is to be done at your own personal risk. Please seek out a professional to assess your own medical or mental health concerns because we are all beautifully complex and the content of this podcast is for a broad audience.